A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."
Why don't lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them
What do you have when you have ten lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand
What do male lawyers and sperm have in common?
Only one in two million do any real work
What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates of heaven. He said to St. Peter, "I am surprised I died so young. I was very active and always ate well. I'm only 50 years old!" St. Peter looked at his book and looked back down at the lawyer. "Fifty years old? According to your billing records, you're 83."
Where can you find a good lawyer? In the cemetery
Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps? New Jersey had first choice
What do you call 100 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean? A good start
What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra? Taller
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners
Know how copper wire was invented? Two lawyers were fighting over a penny
Why does the bar prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service
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